Grief of Love

“Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand.” 
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

"Come unto me, all ye that are heavy laden, and I will give you rest"
Matthew 11:28

I have begun to wonder about what is so essentially a part of life: Loss. If loss is not a possibility, then neither is love. I can create whatever theological castle I want to live in, setting aside the possibility of suffering, but if I do so, I have never really loved. I aver that I deserve nothing but death, and, should I find anything better than that, I should be thankful. And I am thankful. But am I really loving? Is my cool temperment really the rest that Christ has promised me? Could there be other, better, castles to live in?

I feel sometimes so beyond emotion that I cannot really gain or lose. I wonder if I am vulnerable enough to experience real loss. I find comfort in the rain that is falling now, knowing that the water is essential to the life of my garden. Yet my emotional life seems devoid of either rain or sun. I am biologically alive and my spirit man lives, but what about my soul? How alive am I?

Lewis wrote many books, and was a cherished author, but did not marry until the end of his life. He knew the LORD and helped others know Him as well, then he was "Surprised by Joy". No longer would he only know the theory of love, but also the Joy of it. And then she was gone. And Lewis could find no consolation. No answers. Nothing.  He died not longer after that. But is Lewis' story a tragedy? I think not. He found love, and the man who loves is the man who has fulfilled his purpose in life.

Paul writes, "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" (Gal 2:20). This is the story we are meant to tell. When we discover that we are broken beyond repair, we despair of life. When we meet Him at the Cross, we identify with His passion. Devoid of hope, we are buried with Him. Full of faith we are raised up together with Jesus. Full of hope, we trudge on to Eternity. And we fully love because He has first loved us.